Would you like to make this site your homepage? It's fast and easy...
Yes, Please make this my home page!
.main. .old news. .TCL. .pictures. .bemani. .reviews. .downloads. .message board. .links. .contact me.
October 30, 2000
Are there walnut trees in Walnut?
Whee. We're going to Walnut. You know what's weird? My dad decided to get a 3 bedroomer. But he only signed an 8 month lease. the past few days were spent packing everything in the house.. i never realized how much useless crap i own. Really. There's stuff i thought i had thrown out years ago. in the back of my closet, i found this particular box of memories...
The Ex-Files
Damn, i didn't think i'd actually go through the box, really. From top to bottom, it contained all the little things i've received and saved.. from the most recent relationship to the oldest. Letters, pressed roses.. movie ticket stubs, pokerchips, matchbooks, small toys, jewelry...
i think back to those times, and i miss those days.. it was a lot easier to deal with the obstacles in life when i had someone always comforting me. giving me that reality check when my dreams would pull me too far away from the rest of the world. being spontaneous...not making plans, yet ending up somewhere, doing something, at the last minute. having someone to cook for. Knowing that i can call at 2am crying, and he'd be there to soak up my tears. When all was said and done, four hours had flown by. A four hour rollercoaster of emotions i thought i'd never feel again. I was happy, thinking back to all the fun times i've had partying, clubbing, going to musicals, singing, vacations.. and just hanging out. then i was sad.. reminded of two incidents, one of them being how a racist grandmother made it impossible for me and a filipino guy to be together.. and then the snowglobe incident.. oh god.... after that.. a wave of anger. Cheaters can all die and go to hell.. rar. i was pretty upset, but only for a while. be glad you aren't me.. because the feeling i experienced next, was the worst. loneliness. oh god.. i felt SO alone. i couldn't think of anyone i wanted to talk to about how i felt. i began to regret opening the box, then i neatly placed everything back inside and packed it away. It started to rain. I don't know about the rest of you, but i LOVE rain. Rain is just.. the best thing nature has to offer... every time it rains.. i find myself facing the sky, absorbing the drops like they were somehow making me stronger.. the longer i'd stay out in the rain, the better i'd feel.. as if, it had purified my thoughts and my soul... from all of life's daily dose of bullshit, drama, caffeine, and nicotine.
ow my forehead!
pokepokepoke. i thought i was actually getting a dent in my head at a point on friday night, from them random pokings. it brought me to this question.. how many brain cells are killed by a poke to the forehead, calcutta styles? i wonder how many i have left? Besides that, i've also been wondering, about the effects of the noise surrounding me. say, i play IIDX for 3 hours. How would that affect my sense of hearing.. and my brain cells? hmm.. unfortunately i'm not a student or a doctor or anything, n i'm not too smart to begin with, but yeah, i'm just a bit curious. Add lazy to that list, i know i can look it up, but if anyone happens to have that knowledge handy, kick it down. ^_^
October 27, 2000
Will they ever end?
The horrid nightmares started up again. i went to sleep yesterday at 3:15ish. had the worst dream in a month.. okie.. thinking back. Thursday night, Saiko n i headed to shithole, i found a $20 on the ground, lucky me. Anyway, i get home, go to sleep, then have this fucked up nightmare...
we're sitting at starbucks. i don't know why. it was geno, sabishii, chango, kryptic, alice, and me. We're sitting outside, and for some reason my wallet is sitting open on the coffeetable. the wind gently blows and a $20 flies out. It begins to slowly float off into the alley. We're all like.. "WTF".. so we get up to chase it. the bill lands in front of a homeless guy, and just as i pick up the bill, the homeless guy snatches it from me. About two feet away i notice trash bins with money lying all around it. i tell the homeless guy to take that money instead of stealing mine. i walked over to the bins, picked up a $100 off the ground and held it out to him. he screams, "no way lady. that's dirty money.." as if he should care. he runs off with my $20. stupified, i look at the bill in my hand, and i notice blood. on the bill, on my hand, on the ground, everywhere. i dropped the money, then a gust of wind sent shitloads of cash whirlpooling around the bins. There were two bodies lying on the ground beneath the area where cash rested just seconds before. one of the bodies had a huge hole where i'd guess the heart was supposed to be. The other was missing its brain. someone had crushed his head open and yanked out his brain. i screamed, then threw up. Geno and Chango were the first to see the bodies, they both vomited, but then chango couldn't stop staring at the bodies. Geno looked in the bins to check for more. He plucked out a bag with syringes, knives, and guns. lots of them. Alice saw the bodies, and cried. Sabishii walked up, looked at the corpses like they were nothing out of ordinary, and walked off. Kryptic was just mesmorized, he started taking pictures. Anyway, at that point, we spotted two cars pull up across the street. Strangely we were no longer in an alley. weird. Some guys pull out firearms and start shooting at us. WTF. anyway, two of us got hit and one of the two died in my dream. Care to guess? i woke up freaked out and hella dazed.
anyhoo.. what's up with me and my screwed up dreams? i was thinking how there's so many shootings n junk in my dreams. am i going insane? the only link i could make is the $20 i found at shithole. i hadn't watched any movies, and as far as TV, it's been the news, jeopardy, hockey, and simpsons.. so what gives?...
October 25, 2000
happy birthday chango~! Yup, it's chango's bday today. wish him happy birthday! ^_^ AAAAAAAAND. tomorrow is Los' birthday! ^_^ thennnnn next week we have another birfday coming! but it's a bit soon to announce so you get to wait for the surprisie.
i'm really sorry for the lack of decent updates.. i suppose it's just that things have been rather hectic on this side. On top of that, it seems my readers would much rather read about sad shit, or rants.. than about the happier, more joyful stuff.
excuse me sir, what are you worth?
What determines our worth? i've been thinking about that a lot since friday at my aunt's funeral. i saw my other aunts and uncles there.. and no cousins. Except for one "friend" ...who turned out to be my third cousin. heh.. anyway, my grandparents are pretty traditional, in the japanese way. They expect everything from everyone. There's nine of us (grandkids) and well, everyone went to USC or UCLA, and one went to UCR. Three of them have PhD's, the rest, at LEAST a master or two. My brother and i are the youngest. In every family there's got to be a black sheep. hmm, i wonder who could be ours. Wait... it's........ me.
i haven't graduated college (i was supposed to in june), i don't have a PhD, i never went to USC or UCLA (trojans for lyf!), and i don't have a 100k+/year salary. So let me ask you this. What am i worth? To them, nothing. Nevermind the fact that no other grandkids bothered to show up to pay their final respects to auntie aiko, i'm still shit. I care enough, yet it doesn't matter. whee.
Some people say that misery determines how much you're worth. If that's the case, i own this fucked up world and then some. I think it's just so fucked.. how this society measures worth by all the tangible or monetary possessions you've got.. or physical shit. What you look like. What's written on your business card. What car you drive. What clothes you wear. ...the number of credit cards you've got in your wallet, and the number of credit cards that say *platinum*.
Does nobody care about what's inside anymore? knowledge.. sensitivity.. compassion..
What a sad world this has become... where men view a woman's value by her face and the # of heads she'd turn while posing as his hood ornament. Where women view a man's worth by the size of his bank account...
October 22, 2000
Conversation with Cinnamin Pikapi
Do you believe in fate? Fate ended up being an interesting topic of conversation tonight.
Fate: (n.) 1: the principle or determining cause or will by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do. 2: an inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end. 3: the expected result of normal development.
i can't help but to believe that's BULLSHYT. i mean.. pikapi said, that if fate was for real, then EVERYTHING, even the most meaningless people that happened to walk by, and the dust that flies into your eyes in the wind, would have to mean something and was there for a reason. and that, will result in an opposite and equal reaction, and those actions and reactions shape our lives. AND WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. NO WAY. I think we've got control over our own lives, i mean, to an extent. Sure, i might get hit by a bus tomorrow, but for the most part, i think we make our own "fate".
take for example, that ONE person out there for everyone. If there's such a thing as fate, then what kind of a cruel "GOD" or whatever.. would allow for them to never meet? Sure, Christianity states that God gives us hard times to grow strong or to "test" our faith in god. but then if he's almighty, why the hell would he need to test us? he knows everything already right? why not just kill off the people that would go to hell anyway? and why doesn't he let us be happy? HMM.. well there's my view on religion right there.
So.. fate.. yeah.. i've met a bunch of people recently and it's like.. weird that they've become my favorite people ever. it's like there's 4 of us that believe the same things, have the same views on many subjects, and we can relate to each other well. It's great.. but was that fate? i don't think so. There are so many people that have so many things in common, that sooner or later, the same interests will bring them together anyway.... what do you think?
October 21, 2000
i just got home. ^_^ OH MAN. We busted BBQ at mi casa earlier, for Chango and Los' birthdays. Basic shit, just lots of steak.. coke.. and alcohol.. Chango doesn't drink. Crack challenged him to a drinking contest. chango ended up taking down 16 shots anyway. we had a lot of entertainment.. first, we had a few Godden traps set up, just for Sabishii. Sabishii laughed so much he almost died. Twice. Chango was the human jukebox for about 2 hours. Then he got a little tipsy, at around shot 10. he went and decided to play dreamcast so i had to feed him his cake, which he called "SPACE ICE CREAM" ...because it looked like uh sherbert that didn't melt? or something. seriously, it's the best cake ever.. it's definately worth the 40 minute drive. i think.
then it was off to UZ. Chango started talking to strangers. Then he decides that i'm his instant gf and he wants to break up with me because i cheated on him with sabishii. HAHAHAHAHA.. WOW. saw Bran and Mel, along with some other norcal guys, and chilled for a while. Alice and I busted out our infamous smoke bubbles, and like always, they provided hours of entertainment for us. When we decided to finally play some games, i screwed up my combo on orion. hmph. chango decided to play, and after 3 stages, he didn't feel so good. so he went outside and sat there for a bit. then that was that.
October 20, 2000
i went to a funeral today.. and i've been thinking a lot.. because well.. i haven't been to a funeral in a long time, and the eulogies made me think.. what do i want said at my funeral? who's going to say it? Mannnn.. this sucks like crazy, i mean.. i can't explain it.. oh well... ok more tomorrow.
Anyway. Other than the funeral, the day was pretty good. Went to go on a "field trip" for DDR, kind of like a crowd-scouting trip. There were 9 of us in attendance, and it was a lot of fun, to say the least. First we hit Palace Park in Irvine, where Saiko brought out the most of the "crowd" there.. it wasn't peak time, but we still had a lot of people up there supporting. Me on the other hand.. i just played ticket games and got more shooting stars. ^_^ now i've got an assortment of colors, "hikari's star" routine will be coming.. soon? or later.... i don't know, i haven't thought up a routine yet. oh well.
then we hit up SHGL, in Stanton (near garden grove), where we saw Geno and Crack. Played there for HOURS (corruption is the shyt!), and i discovered a new game that i've fallen in love with. hahaha.. "COME ON BABY" ..basically it's just a shitload of mean things you do to a baby.. put a metal ball & chain on the foot of the bebbe n throw him in a lake. he's gotta get back up to the surface in 30 seconds.. hahaha.. and.. you pimpslap each other.. just a lot of fun. anyway, saiko managed to get 104 mil on the scoreboard for US mix today.
and that was that. just a basic field trip to enjoy friends and friendship. we had a great time, and i hope we do it again soon. We're thinking about saturday.
October 19, 2000
I was supposed to go to lunch with Randals earlier. My interviewer ran an hour late. Heh, so much for being on time and making a good impression on a prospective employee, bleh. Anyway, i changed and took off my makeup and visited my dad at his project in tustin, ended up running an errand for him and i ended up at SHGL. USA mix does suck all ass.. played CM2, n finally got past moment another & hell scaper slashing mix or something. CM2 is the crappiest thing after playing IIDX. I'll be at SHGL again next week if they get 4thstyle, that's what some SHGL guy said today. I saw sabishii there for a few minutes, then i ran off to the block at orange to wander around for a while.
I've been doing a lot of wandering lately. it's strangely pleasant. walking around aimlessly not worrying about anything or even thinking about anything. it's weird how some people would stare at me because i was by myself. i still don't understand why people feel so insecure when they go out on their own, i think it's probably something that has to do with society and everyone needing to look like their lives are from a stupid television show, where everyone has someone with them everywhere they go. i think i'm obsessing. stop.
i've been thinking a lot lately about what i want to do.. i've been pondering about the flower shop thing again. and the photo studio thing. Up north. Damn if i had 80 grand to invest in a chain of photo studios in a mall setting in norcal, holy shit.. i'd make so much money, because of the mere fact that there aren't any trendy little photo studios up north where trendy little bitches can go take pictures to pass out to their trendy little friends at school. Down here in LA, on echain started up in '94 and the owner is a multi-millionaire.. hmm.. ok obsessing about money now. GRR.. speaking of obsessions..
Wah! i'm obsessed with pokemon silver.. i heard the game is 100+ hours long. holy shit.. that's.. a long time.. anyhoo, if anyone has pokemon blue, i want it. i have red, yello, and silver. i want gold too, but i gotta finish silver first ^_^ i haven't completed any version yet. i only got up to 120 out of 150.. now there's 251 or something ridiculous like that. i'm at 7 hours and 23 pokemon so far.. not even at 10% yet, hmph! bah amazing, at 22 years old, i'm still entertained by little cartoon creatures n junk.
i've been getting along with my dad the past 3 days.. i should be happy, but i'm asking myself how long this will last instead. negative thinking so owns me right now, sad isn't it? i like being happy n all, but i hate getting my hopes up and then finding out that everything hits rock bottom again. Anyhoo.. i feel sick.. so i'm going to go now.
October 18, 2000
Oh holy shyts! I just watched a car go through a freakin' store. Some lady thought she was in reverse, when she was actually in drive. Of course, jumping the curb and hitting a tree wasn't enough. She went and drove straight into an insurance store. It was weird, you'd be surprised that only her bumper, right headlight, and right fender/quarterpanel were damaged, from the tree, mostly. I just saw her hit the tree, then a shitload of glass go everywhere. It looked like a scene from a movie, lol.. anyway that's about as exciting as my day got. =P
October 16, 2000
i just got home from dinner with Govern and Alice! YAY! It was amazing, alcohol to drink.. and alcohol for dinner. =p Chicken in alcohol soup. Govern got really red. =P Anyway, if i were you, i'd be hella jealous for having friends like them. I mean.. they went out of their way to do all sorts of nice things for me, and they were so thoughtful. i'd like to say... THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! ^_^ Here's an add to the upcoming events.. Alice and i are setting up a BBQ for Saturday, for someone else's birthday. So, basically TCL please show up. ^_^ details are not yet known, but hey, we're all spontaneous enough to be told on friday and be okay with it saturday morning. Anyway. I have a dope tarepanda cig bag now. woohoo.. AND tissue box holder. AND a new notebook. AND a pen holder. YAYAYAYAY that's soo leet. BTW once saturday arrives, please show up with your designated driver handy because Alice will be the bartender. ^_^ with a tip jar. whee!
so i guess tonight went really well, first time in ages my birthday has gone RIGHT. My brother even remembered my birthday this year. He actually bought me something.. Pokemon Silver. and Gold. Well, he only let me have ONE, he got the other. =p Then he got me a link cable and a worm light.. i thought that was so sweet of him. I kept silver. Anyway. i got hooked on the game n i've been up all nite playing. i'm going to go to the mall n look for pokemon toys today. heehee. talk about toy addict! o_O Anyhoo.. didn't get anything from my dad, but i got a necklace & a DOPE ASS ANGEL PAINTING from my mommy.
i freaked out on the way home from dinner.. i was coming home on the 60 freeway, and about 2 exits before mine, i saw a huge accident. nothing was clear except for a white '92 integra. There were 3 smashed cars.. the integra was the worst one off. it had a 3 piece wing, and rims.. my heart froze. now i know you might think i'm just paranoid, but every time i see an accident involving a white car, or a white integra, or any white thing that looks remotely close to a white integra, i have a freakin' breakdown.. i'd think that my bro got mashed or something, n i'd start tearing n shaking. -_-; tonight was no exception. i was SERIOUSLY scared. i started thinking, "Oh my god.. what if i never got to say what i wanted to say to him?" and all that other crap.. once i passed by, i realized it wasn't him, n i was so relieved.. i got home n gave him the biggest hug ever. maybe i'm just starting to get too depressed over the fact that i'm leaving, n i won't be seeing him so much anymore. =/ you think?
22 feels nothing special compared to any other age. I think it's all downhill from here, like Taron said to me a few days ago. GREAT. now what the hell am i gonna look forward to? KIDS? HA! Anyway, i'm hoping everything will be alright, i'd hate for the rest of my life to be shittier than right now. =P guess what. i'm gonna go back to playing pokemon silver.. so.. uhh.. sorry for the short shitty update, i'm sure there'll be something decent coming soon.
October 15, 2000
I just got home from UZ. Yup, my dad let me go after all. I had the most fun filled night i've had in a long time. It ended up being like a birthday party, hehehe.. it was incredibly fun, to say the least.
i showed up early to give tammy the bunny stamp.. they had moved a bunch of stuff around to accomodate us. They set up a little earlier than the expected time. As i walked in, Tammy's first words were "happy birthday, amie!" Same with Jeff, same with Jack. Damn, they kick ass for real. There were four people inside, i went to the counter to give tammy the $10 fee, and she and jeff both refused to accept. Sheesh.. i felt awful special.. So i ran and played IIDX. Era another first stage? yes please! (As sabishii said at the first TCL nite. teehee!) HA! I PASSED! 82%.. it was uhm 3:02pm. =p Just to make sure it wasn't a fluke, i played again. whee! i still can't get the beginning, though.. but i pass. ^_^
people started trickling in, and the first member of TCL to show up was saiko. he wasn't in a very good mood, as some guy tried to steal our truck at Albertsons just a few hours before. Alice and Govern came shortly after, then Mas bought me bubble solution! ^_^ Crack showed up with Mr. Chupiler, then Godden. It was still relatively empty inside. I decide to call ren to see what he's up to, n he says he'd drop by.
Alice n i always have fun sitting outside. We find ourselves having interesting conversations, or we'd bust out evilness. (430! AAAAAH *Cough* GFR! That's bumsuk. Yes, and *THAT* is a road block.) heehee! We occupied ourselves by blowing smoke bubbles with the bubble solution Mas bought meh. ^_^ easily amused, very entertaining. heehee. I almost convinced godden to switch siblings, he'd get saiko in a trade for alice. imagine the trouble we could cause?! FUN!
Chango, Los, and Kryptic show up, finally! Then Geno & Sabishii, then matt. Randal couldn't make it, and axe is in manila til november.. so the entourage for the evening was complete. Time for TCL to own the joint!
I fergot the guy's name, but he's an emmy award winning movie producer. he's doing a documentary on DDR, so he came to interview TCL. Saiko put it best when he said, TCL is the mf'n shyt. TCL leads, and many follow along and try to get a piece of the cake.... The producer was really cool, everything went along without censorship or anything. Saiko surprised me with his freestyle performances to orion & afronova. the orion owned. We had tons of fun chanting, MF2U's were abundant.
The biggest surprise of the evening was.. tammy went out and got me a cake... i freakin' lost it... that's the nicest thing that's happened to me in a long time.. gawd.. i had to run outside n cry n shyt. Anyway we were chillin' outside when i saw irv's car pull up. Talk about icing on the cake! I was actually surprised tha tthey showed up.. TCL if you saw the 2 insanely cute guys i was talking to, they're my lifeline. ^_^ Mah babies.. i don't share tho. both=mine!! They both couldn't stay for long, but i'm glad they dropped by... ^_^
'Kay tcl group picture time!! Even at a place as small as UZ, it's impossible to round up the team for a group shot in less than half an hour.. but we did it ^_^ Then, TCL members and some friends each placed a candle on the cake... -_- considering that the candles were placed freakin'... everywhere.. on strawberries.. in the back.. on the sides.. three tries to blow out the candles is good! >_< okay.. maybe not. i made a simple wish.. it didn't come true. HA! I KNEW THE CANDLE THING WAS BS! ...but that didn't matter much because i was having the time of my life, minus crack beating me up. >_<;
After cake, Nvision started busting freaky stripperstyles. i ran to chango to rescue me, n he said he was dragging me to dejavu. eep. we went to sit outside n chill, it was getting too crowded inside. i got suckered into giving chango a 2 hour massage, while he busted hardcorerapper shyt. The monterey park police department made its presence known at sav-on across the street, some mexican guy did some wrong n got chased by an officer on foot and not one, not two, but SIX cop cars. We saw the suspect jump the brick wall and escape.. it was hilarious, the police were pfr, they lost him for real.. the cops ended up entertaining us for about an hour of drivin around the general area, until one grumpy fuck cop stopped and yelled at us.. so at that point chngo's massage was over, i finally got to go pee, n played a few games before ending up massaging nvis for a while. then we headed home around 4:30.
that concludes today's update.. i think i'm going to sleep until late afternooneh. yay. then head to uz for the first team attle ever. fs v. jgr. Nites!
Later... October 15, 2000
i got a bit angry at the earlier part of the evening at UZ a little before the team battle.. i know we fuck around a lot at UZ while everyone plays, but some regulars were taking things a bit too far.. and killed the positive vibe up there in ultrazone. it made the JGR guys uncomfortable, so after yelling at the perpetrators (evil javy & clepto supply) and talking to the jgr guys, everything calmed down and the batte started, featuring 3 of jet grind radio and 3 of final step. Jet Grind was up first.
i noticed that a lot of their moves were influenced by the A team. their "routines" weren't too polished, but pretty original except the moves that were A team material. The best out of the three was the tall guy, n i thought he'd make a great freestyler if he built up some confidence so he wouldn't need the bar or look at the ground so much.
FS was FS as always, dynamic. They got everyone cheering, chanting.. Andy's best of the day was B4U, and Chris' BB$ was kick ass. He smiled the whole way through, i thought that was cuteh. Dan's trip machine hauls ass, but not as much as his paranoia, my favorite U.S. routine. The slippery stage and his ankle got to him, though, n he unfortunately failed the paranoia fancyfreecarltonrussionfireghrowing routine. =(
I played IIDX while the first JGR guy was up, n i guess someone tripped over the power cord or something, DDR, SOLO, GF, n DM all shut off. it was pretty weird, everyone turned around to stare at me. i felt eyes on me, turned around, n good god. anyway, someone started chanting my name. it was embarrassing. but 30 people chanting your name is cool.. it was sort of surreal, but cool.. at least i passed the stage. or else it would have seriously been depressing.
anyhoo, i'm gona sleep.. i'm having dinner with alice and govern tomorra, so i need to rest up for energy to make more smoke bubblies! ^_^ nittttteeh!
October 14, 2000
YAY! one of my wishes came true.. hehe i went out and got myself a new notebookie, wheee! Anyhoo, earlier, a few of us started talking about what we'd do if we ever won the lotto. Jackpot starts at 7mil. For some reason, we all talked about our dream homes.. and i know that for a few seconds, everyone felt pretty happy. "HFR", as randals would say. Sooo is anyone an architect (besides ricky?)???? My lotto dreamhouse is pretty much planned out, i'm hoping someday, i'll get to build it. ^_^
Today is the UZ $10 event. $10 gets free play on all games, all day from 3pm until 2am. free food, too ^_^ anyhow, the games are gonna be set to 2 stages so people don't have to wait so long for one game. oh god. i'm almost 22 n i'm looking forward to spending an entire day at an arcade, wtf... oh well, not like i had anything planned anyway.
Damn, i have no idea what's up with 50megs, but every time i upload a mp3, it gets killed almost instantaneously.. i apologize, you people don't get downloads until i get my T1 ok? n that'll happen when i move, so expect a downloads section soon otay? otay.
hmm what else? photoshop. My triel is over in 2 days =( No more gay banners designed by yours truly.. =( Good news for you, aye? But then again, that means i won't get any practice, and you'll all be forever doomed to crappy banners! =X I'm going to try flash soon, once i get a copy of the program.. it looks like fun, but then again it looks like a royal pain in the ass. i'm on a learning rampage though.. the more stuf i learn, the better i feel. either that, or i'm super mad trippin' staying home all day everyday with nothing to do until it's time to cook dinner or something. Augh, what has my life become? Poor hikari, don't you just want to rescue me from this madness? *puppy eyes* hmph.. it's not working, is it? =/
Oh yah.. some of you might remember.. M:G? (Hehe jeffi/trish/cat/joe remember when we saw her perform?) =P Dang, i was listening to some of her songs today, n.. can we say theme songs to my life? At least for the time being... ..think twice.. fallen angel.. someone knows better..... dang i dunno, i can relate. augh this sucks.
well i need a really good excuse to get out of the house today. i'm not sure if i'll be able to pull it off. i guess i'll tell him i'm going to my own birthday party, even though it's not.. hehe.. maybe he'll even let me stay out later.. maybe he won't let me go at all. ewh...... eep.
October 13, 2000
Upcoming Events
October 13, 2000. Friday. Well i just wanted to say today is Friday teh thirteenth. WHEEEEEE. I've never had a bad day on a friday the 13th so hopefully i have a good day today. No plans just yet.
October 14, 2000. Saturday. $10 unlimited free play day at UZ. 3pm til 2am. WHEEEE! Can we say.. Bemani fix? i heard they're setting all games to two stages though, shitty.com! TCL i'll see you there.
October 15, 2000. Sunday. Showdown. Final Step vs. Jet Grind Radio. or something. at UZ, 6pmish.. Goo Pi-Chu and Pi-Chu hat! Good luck to ZeroGravity (Andy) and HiddenRage (Daniel), as well as the rest of FS! Catch this event, it may be Hidden's last in a long time *snifflez* sexydannnnnniel! woooOo!
October 16, 2000. Monday. Paul Kariya's 26th Birthday, my 22nd. Whee. Ain't got shit planned, n' neither does my family, i bet. pfft...feel the love... or lack of it...
October 19, 2000. Thursday. Around 7ish. Grant! Told ya i wouldn't forget! YAY i get to go to dinner with my fwend Grant. ^_^
October 20, 2000. Friday. All Day Event. DDR field trip! Looking for some crowds, teams, n good machines.. Anyone is welcome to go, so far UZ regulars are going. ^_^
October 25, 2000. Wednesday. Chango's birthday. Someone get him a stripper or a lap dance or a blow job or something. ^^;
October 26, 2000. Thursday. Los' birthday. Haven't seen ya in a while, come out!! Also, IIDX 3rdstyle OST release date.
October 27, 2000. Friday. Possibly my last day in southern california for quite some time. Mtn View here i come.. maybe.. check back in a few days for a confirmation on the status regarding my relocation. also the "official DDR USA MIX release date."
^_^ i still need to find a day to go to palace park. i need more stars. :P possibly next wednesday? Anyhoo.. just wanted to post up the events, make them if you can!! it's time for me to get some sleep now, someone wake me up at 3pm! ^_- it's 9:30am. take cares!!
October 12, 2000
Why we can't believe ANYTHING the media tells us
I saw this really funny article in the LA Times. It featured this really cocky guy who said that if DDR was an olympic event, which he thought SHOULD be.. he'd be a contender for sure. Um.. first he'd hav to get past the rest of the "olympic hopefuls", i mean, shit, DDR does not revolve around SMP, where he plays every weekend. pfft. Anyway, i would direct you to his site, but i lost the URL. darn. now you can't hack it, make fun of it, deface it, or whatever. oh well.
simple wishes..
Okie. 4 days to 22. I'm promo-int the shit out of it, i know. Anyway, what i want, from the most unlikely to the most realistic.
-to win the lotto. 7mil+! whoever says $ can't buy happiness obviously doesn't have any. i'd be damn happy just having that kind of bank account. My lucky #s are 9, 10, 15, 29, 34, 43.. ok maybe not lucky, but those are the numbers i always pick. do any of them match yours?
-An Audi S4, or a Dodge Turbo Diesel Dualie. both would be nice. heh.
-Beatmania IIDX 4th Style Machine, accompanied by a KBM2 machine & a DDR4th Mix machine.
-Season tickets for life to the Ducks.. as long as Kariya's on the team.
-My own house. 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms, 2 family rooms, 2 fireplaces, pool, spa, wetbar, 4 car garage, and a wall that's an aquarium. I'd guess that would cost over 5 mil.
-Someone i can't have. i on't say who. don't ask. ^_-
-To get along with my dad n establish a healthier father-daughter relationship.
-a honda insight. 80something miles/gallon? yes please.
-to be happy.
-better dreams
-less stress
-IIDX 3rdstyle soundtrack & ayu's new cd's.
-graduate from college..
-totoro stuff
-tarepanda stuff
-glittery pens..ooh.. pens...
-a better notebook
-more plastic stars from palace park, aka fag0t
hmm i just realized how materialistic this list looks. keep in mind i just listed them in order of unlikelyness.. hehe.. i'd be happy with one out of all my wishes coming true.. i think i'll go buy a new notebook tomorrow. ^_^ simple minds simple pleasures, rite? Too bad my life wasn't so simple..
October 10, 2000
Respect for your Elders?
Damn, something happened today that damn near shocked me to all hell.. I went to Ralph's, where I picked up a quick item n ran for the express lane. Eight people ahead of me in line. Damn. I did what anyone else would do- glare ahead at that one moron paying with a check.. or had like 20 items in the express 10 items or less cash only lane. I saw this old man.. he was in his eighties, putting his items onto the conveyor belt. He grabbed two bottles of medicine and placed them neatly, side by side. Then two boxes of crackers. Again, side by side. He was obviously struggling, but nobody would help him. I left my cart, asked him if he wanted any help, n then he smiled as i grabbed his two cartons of orange juice n placed them on the counter. Then i went back to my cart, n there was a lady two spots ahead of me being really rude. She was making comments in spanish about how it's "the express lane for a reason." I was so angry.. i mean, he can't help being frail.. So anyway, turns out his coupon for his orange juice was the wrong size.. or.. the orange juice was the wrong size, anyway. So this employee dude runs to the back to get the right size, n then the old man's having a little trouble swiping his card, rite? i hear the lady make another comment in spanish, saying, "someone should just put him out of his misery.." OMFG, I was SO pissed. Anyway, he finally gets everything right, so he grabs the bags, puts them into his cart, n says thank you to me. ^_^ i waved, n as he was about to leave, the lady goes, "It's about fucking time, shit! Maybe now the express lane will hold meaning.." The old man looked so heartbroken, it made me so sad! He pushed his cart out of there as fast as he could. Once he was out of the store, i yelled out "Bitch, you're the one that needs to be put out of misery.." N she looks at me, then looks at her sister/mom/whatever, n says something in spanish about me being a stupid chinese kid that needs to respect older people. Anyway, i told her to watch her mouth 'cause i understand what she's saying. She's surprised. Stupid good for nothing welfare receiving idiot. The checker was pretty pissed off too.. 'cause when it was her turn, as she unloaded her items onto the conveyor belt.. once she got to 10 items, she still had another item left. The checker guy goes, "Sorry ma'am.. 10 items max.." n points at the express lane sign. "you'll have to go to a normal checkstand." She was PFR! "Cmon, it's eleven items, sir!" She yelled. The checker got quiet for a bit like he was thinking about letting her slide. so i added in, "Uh, it's called express lane for a reason, go to the next lane with your shit, bitch, can't you read english, huh?" The best part was when she grabbed her cart n put her shit back in. She started carting toward the outside, y'know, toward the door. The bagger gets into it, n says "uh, you'll have to turn around and go the other way." So she turns the cart around, 'n the guy in front of me moves when she says "i'm trying to get through here!" Anyway, i decide to be a lil bitch so i turned my back to her. n she's like really anxious to get past me. so she's like "uh i'm trying to get through" n i didn't answer. then she's like "Miss! .....MISS!" n then she goes.. "Excuse me, miss?" so i turn around. She goes "I'm trying to get through!" i'm like.. "that's nice." Then i turn back around. Anyway, after about 5 minutes, she's like.. "Miss, can i get through?" n i look at her. n she finally says please. so i let her pass. The guy in back of me, he's like 50, japanese guy. looks like a real nice guy. He's having lots of fun with this. She's like "i'm trying to get through." He goes.. "Well you're going to have to wait til' i'm done." HAHAHAHAHA! Anyway so she has to back up. I got my groceries n left. the dude's done, n she's like fuming by now.. n so she finally gets her cart and pushes her way through. the guy's like.. "UNGRATEFUL BITCH!" it was pretty hilarious. Anyway, the checker dude was about to go on break, n he told me "i never kicked anyone out of the express lane before.." hahah it was pretty funny.. Anyway it was a sad story with a happy ending.. a bunch of strangers banded to teach a bitch a lesson in respect and humility. i did my good deed of the day , and the checker had his laugh. Anyway i went home and had a ribeye roast. it was yummy. A good 4 hours spent, i think.
anyway other than that, nothing very interesting happened. i made a crappy lil' TCL banner for the pictures section. Just so you won't have to stare at a lil block with a X in it. ^^; Okie, i guess that's it for today. Take kares! -hikari
October 9, 2000
Updated Sections?! *gasp*
Ooh, updaties. Yupyup! ^_^ First, the old news has been archived. By Month. I haven't made it so it shows pictures yet, which saves loading time. But if i miraculously gain new reader traffic, they can't see the retarded stuff you people have drawn. Then again, they can't see the dumb stuff i've come up with, either. hee..=P
Second, the pictures section is back.. ^_^ as if you noticed. Shame on you! Pictures were re-scanned, some new pictures were added to Masa's Final Gathering as well as Magic Mountain. All new TCL picture section is up, and i'm waiting for a banner, so you get to look at a box with a X on it..for now. Various events pics aren't up yet, sorries. There are so many pictures left to scan... but go see what's there anyway.
Third, i have some links up. or did i anounce this already? oh well, check out the linked pages. i think you'll likey.
Finally, my bored at home self got to doing a TCL section. Only 'cause i love them so muchy, i've decided to put up the bios. Now you can find out all the dirt you ever wanted to know about TCL! Okay, maybe not, but at least you'll know our birthdays.. we're expecting lavish gifts and cash in large denominations! hehehe
Hi.
Ya.. so i was chatting with a friend i hadn't seen in years, n he wanted me to say hello somewhere in today's update. So, here it goes. "to my cute adorable buddie brian t. in DB, hiya, miss ya muchys!" There, ya satisfied? You just got your few seconds of project hikari fame. ^_^ Anyway. Brian's fully legal, single, japanese, adorable... any takers? =P
Torture
Why? Why do people torment me? I was heartbroken by some guy. Months, years later, why do they initiate contact and try to make my life miserable? YOU FREAKS! LEAVE ME ALONE!! I wonder why people do this. Really. It bothers me. What part of "hellooooo, it's been over for quite some time, enjoy your life without me please... thank you, drive through!" do they not understand? i mean, i've BEEN over it.. Don't bother me! but of course, me being SOO nice, i won't say that.. i'll just grin and bear it.. most of the time. Maybe i just need to change my number...
The Waiting Game
One more week and overrated 21 is over. I'm only counting because it gives me a reason to celebrate.. yep, one day out of the year when curfew is overlooked and i can do whatever the hell i want. well- on that weekend anyway.. my day is on a monday, lucky me. =/ anyway, the plan is to throw TCL october babies ntie at UZ, on the 14th, saturday. $10/person. So if you guys are reading.. yeah. Saturday. 7pm-2am. non tcl, too bad, sorry.
I saw my mommy today ^_^ Just wanted to share. It made my whole day better just knowing that she's doing well and she's okay. I've got the most cutest, sweetest mom ever.. she gave me crayons for my bday present. hee... you know, those giant ones that three year olds use. Yep. Crayons. Dope, huh? i'll make a drawing soon with my momma's crayons. yay!
Don't Worry..
i think it was the last update. to you 4 who think i'm suicidal... i'm not. i'm ok. i get like this from time to time because life just sucks. some days are simply easier to deal with than others.. little things like crayons from my mommy make days like today a lot more pleasant, that's all. Yes, i'm edgy. But i think i'll be okay, for now! ^_^ Have a great day, okay? I know i will, even though.. my duckies lost earlier.. *sniffles* ohhhh wanna see what i look like when i see paul kariya? Courtesy of Starfishie!
^_^ **DROOL.. PAUL KARIYA....**
October 8, 2000
The stuff dreams are made of...?
Have you ever gone to sleep one night, and had like 5 bad dreams, consecutively? consistently waking you up every hour? I've been having these really crappy dreams and i've no idea what's fueling them. All 5 of the dreams i had, were devastating, and had to do with either the death of my friends, or the death of myself.. or damn near death.. i'd wake up like RIGHT when i'm about to die. But the pain is real. The fear is real. I wake up with an adrenaline rush, and i'd get this weird shock feeling and i'd cry because i can't handle it. If i get up and run outside for a bit, i'm fine. Talk about weird huh.. i THINK it's an adrenaline rush, anyway, because i'd have this energy i never have when i normally wake up *yawn!*.. bah, whatever, eh?
simplicity.
i find myself listening to era a lot more often.. i just like the feeling i get when i'd think back to when i was five, and i thought i could fly. Jumping off the highest part of the couch, landing on my ass on the carpet... then getting back up and doing it all over again. Because i thought, sooner or leter, i'd be able to soar through the sky. Learning to fly was the only challenge life appointed at that age.. life was so simple. innocent.. it all seemed to always get better. That kicked serious ass, and i find it hard to believe that i'll never feel so hopeful, or happy... like that again. i just need to find that something that'll make me feel content like the innocent happy kid i was at five, learning to fly..
October 7, 2000
i'm losing my mind.. I need a place to live in 28 days or i'm screwed for real. My father had just made it painfully clear that he doesn't want me as a part of his family life any longer than the 28 days left of living here in Rosemead. It's going to be a long month.
I thought September was shitty. I forgot that my birth month always brings me a lot of pain. Oh well. A day in the life of me. Nothing new. I keep telling myself i should be used to this, but it doesn't ever get easier, no matter how many times shit happens, it really doesn't. it's so easy to tell myself how useless my tears are, and that pain and sorrow don't solve shit. the hard part is stopping the tears once they've started falling.
At times like this, i start thinking about the many mistakes i've made. The things i could have done differently so i could be smarter, wiser.. I'm not sure if those things would have made me a better, more successful person, then i realize i can't turn back time and relive my life. If i could though, would i really want to go through all that pain again? or.. Would i make the same mistakes again? When life hits the shitter, i always ask myself shitloads of stupid questions that don't seem to get me anywhere. What changes do i need to make to get my life back in track? SEE? another dumb question.
I know i've got options. I don't think i can figure out what they are, though. I know i lack motivation. I know i'm smart enough to face up to just about any challenge..but when there's no motivation.. i don't. I'm hoping that this shitty story has a happy ending. i don't know where i'll be in 28 days. i don't een have a clue as to where i should start.. regarding my 'future'. sure i've got my half-baked pipedream about graduating college and teaching music, having kids, n all that white picket fence bullshit. But what about NOW? my current situation? What the hell do i do now? I saw this shit coming back in '99 and before that even. I've had the time to think shit through. i've tried doing what i could to prepare. and where has it taken me? Absolutely nowhere. it feels like i'm running into a fucking brick wall every single day. i'm running out of ideas. i'm running low on hope. All i've got left are dreams and good intentions, but we all know both don't do anything.
My tears do me no good yet i cry. i'm sitting here feeling bad for myself. i don't ask for any of you to pity me. what i'm asking for are ideas. i'm in need of some serious help. what the hell do i do from here? where do i start? or should the story end here.. let it go and give up.. i feel so lost.. and although a dark empty room doesn't criticize me.. it doesn't offer comfort. Right now, i guess all i want is to be found..
October 5, 2000
and the countdown is on! =) 11 days to my bday, whee! Anyway, i don't have any interesting things to talk about, sorry for the lack of "good" updates lately. i know you guys like reading up on my life n stuff, even though i think it's kina boring. =P anyway. Thanks for visiting, i'm so thrilled that i actually have more than 300 hits now. ^_^
i got to chill with my best friend irv today, yay yay! we went to get some boba @ tapioca express, n i made him play pnm4. He said it's gay. =( OK i sound like a 1st grader. I'll stop. heehee!
As far as the page goes, i've been doing a lot of internal work. there's a lot to be done, n i promise, soon, you'll see the changes. i rescanned a lot of pics but there's still a lot to do. Also, i might be using the "cranky" logo, after a little rendering n stuff. hopefully i'll get a full version of photoshop, i'm down to 10 days on my trial edition or whatever.. also, i'll hopefully be changing the look of the page a little bit, i'll hopefully get the image map right sooner or later! Anyway, sorry, but this concludes my update. BTW Irv you've gotta resend. remember the AIM direct connect? um i didn't freakin' save or something. resend plz. =)
October 2, 2000
the lil one..logo.. it's called.. grr.jpg cuz that's how i feel bout it.. the bannery looking piece of crap is called haha.jpg cuz i laughed at my lack of skills when i saw it. third one is called cranky.jpg cuz that's how i feel rite now. IRV. check out the font on cranky, i think u might like. but here.
i dunno i guess it looks ALRIGHT but i'm not proficient enough at photoshop to make it look better...
October 1, 2000
WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO only 15 days til i'm 22. =) anyway here's the best i could do with photoshop. i suck. i know......
.main. .old news. .TCL. .pictures. .bemani. .reviews. .downloads. .message board. .links. .contact me.
